I'm just a girl;

2010-09-16T21:43:00.001+08:00

changed blog! :)

purplezpeace.livejournal.com

2010-09-16T10:54:00.003+08:00

SOMETHING MORE;

I love this song now ttm.

It was stuck in my head since ytd and i found it. :D

<.3

END OF EXAMS!!! :)

2010-09-10T20:16:00.003+08:00

A SMALL GOOD THING;

That incidentally happens to the be the title of the short story I'm studying now. XD

There are times when you feel like giving up, and so defeated and so tired and so worthless and so ))):

And you cry, hugging your pillow, asking, Why God, why God?

And it seems there is no way,

but God will make a way. :')

You showed me this:

²¹ When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

²² I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

²³ Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

And amidst everything, I really wanna thank You for little small blessings that touched me :')

It showed me that people still care.

Rebecca listed me as her sister in facebook, Niqian kindly sent us her 11-page notes on her own initiative, and Charlotte :) Weizhen for approaching me online almost everyday I go online now :')

I thank thee for the small good things in my life,

it's when you have little

that you treasure every single strain of mercy and love and kindness.

I look to You, O Lord.

2010-09-09T19:45:00.001+08:00

4 MORE DAYS;

Lord, sustain me :)

2010-09-08T20:20:00.005+08:00

All I can say now, is thank God for His love and grace :)

Thank You for refreshing me, emotionally, spiritually, and renewing my heart :)

Amen :)

"He is our God for ever and ever,"

-Psalms 48:14a

2010-09-08T19:00:00.007+08:00

MUGGING MACHINE;

True love burns the brightest. But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.

It's so true.

I guess I better throw myself into mugging once again. Maybe it's for the better. I'm mugging full blown now...

It hurts, But I can take it, i can take it. Though you need not have done that-you need not have said i bother you like an irritating pest AND THAT I SPEND ALL MY TIME DOING THAT, AND NOT STUDYING.

I'm really sorry, do I? but you know what? I do study more than you think. Way more.

Perhaps I can't help it if i'm a pest. This just shattered all my self esteem once again.

The worst thing? You pretend that you're doing it for my good. Which I don't believe.

All I can do now, is attempt to survive EOYs. and not think so much.

But I don't know why i love you still.

*sigh*

2010-09-03T21:22:00.004+08:00

STAR SHINING BRIGHT;

(english translation)
the wind is shaking the windows,and over my small room,
the stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count,
the stars reassure tired me
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me
don’t be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me
and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep
though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get
Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever
My dream is coming. though it is unusual that my one star is bright
it is very bright, even blinding..it comes down to my shoulder
stop being so sad..it holds my hand as it touches me
and gives me a warm hug
though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walkthough my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get
Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever
Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever
--
But sometimes the present is all one can see for now, not the future, but how can one see the present when one is caught up in the past?

2010-09-02T20:36:00.002+08:00

THE FANTASTIC FOUR;

Prior to this post, I got a prank call from a MANLY voice pretending to me someone they're not. *ahem* :P And i was just thinking...The four of us that have stuck all the way from sec 1. And nothing really much have changed (we're still our crazy wild siao zar bo selves :P) but it is for the best I think :)

Doing crazy stuff together makes life so much more bearable, especially when exams are coming. Really random stupid crazy stuff :) :) :)

And I feel that I'm myself and right where I should be-next to anqi, niqian, steph. :D

A nice sense of belonging. <3

2010-08-27T21:11:00.004+08:00

RUNNING THE RACE;

EOYs is in three days!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I'm feeling very, very weak. And tired. Constantly tired. But I believe with God, He can sustain me through all this. :)

My strength is renewed through Him, and I will soar like an eagle.

Let me run the good race, and work all for His glory in this EOYs. So we will run, altogether our hearts aflame, with a fire that can't be tamed...

MY LG FTW!!! :) :) :)

With each day, let me grow even more in You. Amen.

2010-08-25T20:51:00.005+08:00

WE WERE;

My 222nd post :)

Thank God for you Niqian (3 hrs talking in MOS, i love you!!) :) <33333333333333

Something you said really struck me, and that shall be my thought/musing for today. Everything in life happens for a reason, and we are now different from the person WE WERE, constantly but surely changing to love more, and be more like Him. :)))

We WERE once ignorant, but now we know.

WE WERE once blind, but now we see.

And that's all that matters :')

WE WERE once wandering, but now are found.

And we will stay in His love forever.

2010-08-24T20:30:00.002+08:00

you make me smile;

just by smiling.

I can't help what I feel,

but I can help what I think.

Some of us think holding on makes us strong;

but sometimes it is letting go

In the process of freeing yourself

you, too, free someone

to fly,

and truly soar

2010-08-24T20:09:00.002+08:00

:):):)

2010-08-22T21:50:00.003+08:00

HEEHEE;

Must be the most nonsense title I have had ever. EOYs is in 7 days, but I shall not panic. Why do I need to fear anything, or worry about anything :)

Let all the earth rejoice, let all the earth rejoice :)

How Great is Our God. :D

2010-08-22T21:30:00.003+08:00

MORE OF YOU;

“Lord, teach me what you want me to do, and I will live by your truth.” Psalm 86:11

When kindness comes through grudgingly, we’ll remember God’s kindness to us and ask Him to make us more kind. When patience is scarce, we’ll thank Him for His and ask Him to make us more patient. When it’s hard to forgive, we won’t list all the times we’ve been given grief. Rather, we’ll list all the times we’ve been given grace and pray to become more forgiving.

From what happened today personally to me, I've learnt something and...

I'll say: When I feel like giving up hope on a person, I think about how God NEVER gives up hope on us, that we'll one day grow more to be like Him. When someone seems unlovable at times, I think about how God loves us unconditionally, no matter what we've done (or have not done). :)

God's grace and mercy and love FTW!

2010-08-20T19:59:00.008+08:00

THANK YOU MORE THAN A MILLION TIMES OVER;

Today, I feel it deep in my heart, a desire for a tribute to a certain person.

Who I really feel I should thank. :') Million times over, and infinitely, even. It's the least I could do for you, to thank you for what you've done.

One of my closest friends who's really really really really responsible and dedicated and everything, the one that I believe God chose to lead us because of her superbly outstanding qualities. Quietly doing work and never calling attention to herself, she's very humble and she puts in SO much effort and time into doing stuff, slipshod work is out of the question for her. She gives our team 110% of her energy, even when she faces much opposition from her parents. Her parents disapprove of what she's doing, and always scolds her. This friend of mine, has the inner courage to withstand everything, all the stress and all... While a normal person may whine or whatever, you will NEVER hear her complain about what she has to do. Or that she takes home all the money, the supplies, whatever. NEVER ONCE DID SHE COMPLAIN OR WHINE OR INDULGE/WALLOW IN SELF PITY. How admirable is that! I really really really respect her for that. Lord, today is the day I really 110% fully understand the difficulties she has and really how much she's going through. I'm sorry, if I'd ever acted out of ignorance and a lack of understanding. I'm sorry if any of my actions caused your anguish to be more. Thank you so much :') :')

Don't y'all think she's wonderful? I think I'm really really really really really blessed to have her as a friend.

I apologize for the spam of REALLYS, but i really really really really really feel so overwhelmed with this feeling of gratitude and at the same time, this feeling of guilt as sometimes I'm not as good of a friend as her. She's taught me a whole lot about what it means to be a friend. SHe never condemns, always forgives :)

Thank you, also, for showing me how to be more like Jesus. :')

To that friend(I don't know if you're reading this):

Girl ahh, I'm sure you know who you are, I don't have to say it out loud. :')

Because I think you would rather I don't say your name. That's how you are, never arrogant or prideful. And you like privacy, so I'll respect that.

I always call you "meanie", but actually I mean "you really rock"

I always say "I don't like you" but actually I mean "I love you"

Just that like, sometimes I can't bring myself to say what i actually feel.

Dear, take care of yourself more (don't keep thinking of others but never ever yourself) or I'll be forced to try to pry open your mouth to pour water into your parched throat. So that you won't cough so painfully hard everytime.

Sleep more, even as you mug. Don't ever stay up overnight again to study, get your well deserved rest. May your headaches clear :)))

And as an afterthought, continue saying "idk", it's you, IDK GIRL :P

And girl ahh, one thing you ought to know, you truly rock :') <333

2010-08-18T20:31:00.005+08:00

BLESS THE BROKEN ROAD;

That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you...

I love this song, lyrics, tune and all :')

It's a Christian country band too :D

I think it's very cool, this love song...I FEEL this song. :)

That every long lost dream led me to where you were; others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars...

The truest thing: it's all part of a grander plan coming true.

FAREWELL.

We sung that's my wish by the very same band haha. I'M SO GONNA MISS GUIDES AND MY BATCHMATES AND MY PARTOLMATES :(((

Maybe it's only until you're about to lose it that you fully appreciate what you have.

Thank You God, for allowng me to be part of Guides. It's all in Your marvellous plan, and I have gained so much and learned so much, laughed alot, cried alot, had good times, have bad times...but in all, I truly love and cherish this experience.

Special thanks go out to Sheryl, who will never read this blog, but thanks anyway for being the sister Guide, my patrol-mate for FOUR years STRAIGHT. We stuck together despite the odds, and you never condemned me when I was preoccupied with debate. When I came back, you welcomed me back with open arms, and granted me acceptance and forgiveness(even though I never asked for it)..today you helped me fold and tie my scarf...it was the last time you may do it for me ever, but I will remember it. I will remember you, the one who was in A BIG PART of my guiding memory, I love you. <3

That's what love is, and a shadow of God's love. To QiaoXi, she will become patrol leader soon and I really love this junior of mine. Even though she always bullies and suans me, today she cried the hardest--for Hanjun transferring, for us leaving. For all your bo-chap appearance, you really really care and I love you too. To Michelle, P.S., who's taking over my spot. I was overcome with tears wihen I pinned on your stripes for you...time passes so fast and you have grown into a senior about to take over (almost). Hope you'll be a better P.S. than me and really take care of MG 02 together with Qioxi!

I feel really sad that Hanjun's leaving our patrol. ):

But I guess it's because we have too much talent in MG O2.

I LOVE YALL! I will always, always remember y'all.

All being said,

i want to LINGER here~ ooo

a little longer here~ ooo

a little longer here with you........

2010-08-14T21:30:00.004+08:00

LOOKING AT THE PAST;

It's funny, I just have a weird fascination in re-reading my old blogposts...everytime I do i have flashbacks and everytime I do I'm reminded on how much I matured (inside, i don't think outside anyone can tell the difference :P)

I joke more in my posts, that's for sure. I trip and stumble, and yes make some pretty foolish mistakes. I now better understand the workings of this weird world (and more how not to be in it but not of it HAHA XD). I'm stronger in my faith, wayyy stronger.

I've become a different person from the one I was in sec 1; different in a good way (i feel and I hope so).

"Should we know? How should we ever understand God's ominiscent plan for us all, with our narrow and limited view,ever realise the Creator's reason for all these?

Should we leave it all to God?"

A rare insight of truth i had on the first day of sec 2 when I was uncertain of the future. And with hindsight looking back, i say DUH! Cos He really does know best :D

2010-08-12T20:28:00.006+08:00

MORE THAN A FEELING;

It's that time again D<

EOYs are COMING!!! ):

And I'm totally not in the studying mood...

Oh well :)

Today's piano was funny :)

Had a great time laughing with my piano teacher. She's actually more like a friend, she calls me "crazy girl" HAHA. Which alot of my friends somehow echo :P

I'm thankful that I played my piece smoothly today :D

OH YEAH AND SHEPHERDING :D :D :D

"Jesus promises his disciples three things: that they will be completely fearless, absurdly happy (joyful in all circumstances) and in constant trouble."

That sometimes we may and will get persecuted for our faith, but we must stand strong in God :')

Yay Rebecca, thanks for being the ever awesome shepherd, inspiring me with your rock-solid faith :) :) :)

I'm tired.

You don't have to know but...

More then anything, more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
to your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

(chorus of That's my Wish by Rascal Flatts)

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile. :)

This song is unique in the sense that the song just says that you genuinely care about that person and what would make you happy is just knowing that they are happy :)

Cos love's more than a feeling...

2010-08-09T21:06:00.006+08:00

TO MY BRO;

I guess I owe you a big one tonight, for helping me.
Thank you

and

Why must things always end up this way? :'(
I feel like some biggg fool.

2010-08-09T20:39:00.010+08:00

LOVE WILL SHOW YOU EVERYTHING;

(note: a rambly post)

I watched a love movie today--If Only. It was showing on channel 5, 8.30-10.30am. It was about this couple who had a heated argument. She ran out, and took a cab that would stop at an interection and get run over by a truck. Needless to say, she died and her boyfriend was utterly devastated. He woke up the next day and found to his amazement, that yesterday was happening all over again (time rewinded itself ho ho ho) but the catch was at night, she would still take the same cab and DIE. The taxi driver gave him this advice: "Treasure her today." And he did. He came clean with her about his past, took her to his hometown where he grew up, fulfilled her dream of performing her self-composed song etc etc...and made he day basically a perfect one. Before they got into the cab, he told her this: "I loved you since the day I met you, but didn't allow myself to. But today, you taught me how to love and be loved."
They got into a cab, the same thing happened at 11:00pm sharp. In the end, he shielded her so that he died in the end, not her.

People (like my brother) would scoff and say, "a typical romance show" but I feel it's very enlightening. How so? There was another meaningful quote: "No matter whether it's 5 minutes or 50 year, let's enjoy whatever time we have left together."

Though yes, I admit, life never has such miraculous second chances. In real life, he would be forever tortured with the thought that he didn't say 'goodbye' or 'i love you'.

The movie is telling us to live life to the fullest, and not to have any regrets for life is fragile and someone you love may be gone in an instant, before you know it.

Because if it were so easy, then I would have told you. I love you.

2010-08-07T21:21:00.006+08:00

WHO AM I?

Who am I?

I LOVE THIS SONG, it brings tears to my eyes, and a smile to my heart :')

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart.

Standing, looking up, in total awe of one person, Jesus, His brilliance blinding me.

And I ask almost breathlessly, "why me Lord, why me? I'm just a ordinary girl with average grades and no stunning talent or looks. I don't stand out in the crowd; I get lost in one. Sometimes I can be frightfully insecure, and also be short-tempered with the people around me when I'm stressed. On several occasions I let down my dear family and friends by not being a good friend or sister or daughter..." And the list goes on, etc etc etc. Reasons why I dont't deserve His love, why I can't qualify at all.

Not because of who I am.
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who You are.

He answers by saying, I died on the cross for you. And even if you are the only person on earth, I would still have done it. REGARDLESS of what you have done, no matter how heinous your actions and how bad a person you think you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

I am a flower quickly fading...here today and gone tomorrow. Our lives spans a mere 80-100 plus years at the most...
so, so fleeting. Each of us are so small, compared to the billions on Earth, then the galaxy, then the UNIVERSE. BUT STILL, the Lord loves me, unconditionally. And that I'm His, no matter what happens in my life, then I can count on Him.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again
Who am I?
That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

I find everything He does for us superbly duperly awesome.

Thank You for leading me besides quiet waters, and restoring my soul :)

2010-08-03T21:30:00.002+08:00

TIRED-NESS KILLS;

It's like something taking over you...affecting everything from your mood to your stress levels to...

Being sleepy and tired just kills all feelings, positive ones definitely, leaving the negative ones to linger. I want to just sleep sleep sleep but something within me says I must do work and I must do work, so I'm still up when my eyes are half closed, like Garfield.

I'm tireddd,

2010-08-02T21:43:00.006+08:00

REVIVAL;

I know I haven't been blogging for VERY VERY LONG for my standards...and so much things happened during these few weeks that I can't go into them all in detail. Shall try to summarize.

MARKSSS...chem eng bio (Thank You Lord :D Thou shalt be content with what I have, its quite okay/good already :D)

GUIDES AA!!!~ Aweseome magical night. :D I totally felt the sisterly spirit and love for others, the true essence of Guiding beyond activities like sawing and firelighting. Thank You for the SUNNY weather, when it was 99% probability going to rain, it remained dry THE WHOLE DAY. I still haven't finished marvelling at Your awesomeness :)

The batch dance and me being a chocolate freddy frog is really funny too :P

What else?

DANCE CONCERT&LGGG&SERVICE :D

So we will run~ and surrender to bring You fame...

BERN'S AND VAL'S BIRTHDAYS ^^

Lunch after emergency exercise(At raffles city!!) :D, and going to val's house today (although it was to do lit AA, I thought it was quite funnnnn :D)
Happy birthday, my dear friends! :D

"A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart."
- Unknown

I like this quote, haha

Since when has being sure, being steadfast been badddd?

I think, maybe now.

2010-07-28T21:13:00.000+08:00

TOO STRESSED.

2010-07-26T08:07:00.004+08:00

I AM SECOND;

http://iamsecond.com/

"Inspiring the Revolution of Second.
I am Second is a movement meant to inspire people of all kinds to live for God and for others. Actors. Athletes. Musicians. Business leaders. Drug addicts. Your next-door neighbor. People like you. The authentic stories on iamsecond.com provide insight into dealing with typical struggles of everyday living. These are stories that give hope to the lonely and the hurting, help from destructive lifestyles, and inspiration to the unfulfilled. You’ll discover people who’ve tried to go it alone and have failed. Find the hope, peace, and fulfillment they found. Be Second."

Because Jesus is first. And I'm proud to say, I am second. :)))

Saturday was simply, AWESOME. :'D
Surrendered everything and now I feel light, with no baggage weighing me down :)
Peace, joy etc etc :D

God looks at the inside, while the world tends to look at the outside. That's enough comfort to me, for example bio, I scored lower than I expected or lower than some pro friends I have, but in the end I just have to take it back to God, the One I am doing everything for. And as long as I tried my best, He will love it the same. :')

2010-07-20T22:37:00.004+08:00

STOP AND THINK;

When the days pass faster than a blur,

When the years zoom by faster than we know it,

When we look in the mirror and suddenly we are not our young selves anymore,

When everything fast-forwards, speeding past light...

and then screeches to a grinding stand-still,

WHAT WOULD YOU DO.

When work, work and more work no longer becomes important or essential because you can't/aren't working anymore,

When things like the latest phone or gadget does not matter anymore,

When cash turns cold and hard in your hand,

When your heart is empty,

WHAT THEN MATTERS,

WHAT THEN HOLDS MEANING.

When I look past the surface, I stop to think--what is truly meaningful? What will provide genuine joy and not just merely superficial happiness?

My answer is

God.

Family.
Friends.

What's yours?

2010-07-16T23:07:00.002+08:00

YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEAT;

You can't when it's been a long time, and probably half of other times you denied the existence of it with the end result being pitholes-and lots of it.

You can't. No matter how much you try to stop it. As hard as defying gravity...(glee song but anyways...)

SAs ARE OVER!!! And I love my pm-you and I have no more chemistry; we are history. its over.

^_^ (referring to exams okay!)

HISTORY CHEM EXAMS OVER OVER OVER YESSSSSSSSSS!!!

But after this initial euphoria, you get a little post exam emptiness...like you blank out and ask yourself, "now what?"

I want to go out and do lots and lots and lots of things that I have thought about during this exam period but after it you're suddenly unused to cramming info into your mind and forcing yourself to memorize stuff.

Well, I watched avatar(the english animated drama series)...

But...

Somehow my efforts at controlling my thoughts are not very well done...

Lord show me Your way.

Your will be done, and not mine. <3

2010-07-09T23:00:00.001+08:00

WITH EVERYTHING;

With everything that has been going on in our lives,
we need to count our blessings.
For us not to lose track of how richly God has given us. There was a story, about a piece of paper with a small black dot in the centre. Everyone's first instinct is to zoom in on that black dot, but we need to learn to also zoom out and see all the white blank space. The dot can represent our problems.
Sometimes I also focus on what MIGHT have been...but in the end I relaise that its so meaningless...for the past is already over. and there's no turning back onf the clock.
So my resolution for today is not to dwell on what else I could have done, or past regrets, but to live life wholly in His mercy and grace.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night skies are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, a wish right now, a wish right now...

2010-07-03T23:15:00.003+08:00

TUMBLR ROCKS;

http://rainbowheartsxxx.tumblr.com/

Rainbow hearts~ <3

Pretttttyyyyy

2010-07-01T22:26:00.004+08:00

A NOTE TO GOD;

Lord, I seek revival in You. I seek change in You. I seek refuge in You.

Lord, I hope You make a new me, in You.

Sustain me throughout the rest of this arduous race;

For me to never give up

Never stop trying

Never cease smiling

Be strong

Love

In You.

"I wanna see you at the very end," Rebecca said to me. I echoed it back to her and we sealed it with a handshake.

For eternity. <3

2010-06-30T20:22:00.003+08:00

HELLO, HELLO BABY YOU CALLED I CAN'T HEAR A THING;

i left my head and heart on the dance floor.

if only i was someone else.

Not stuck between here and there, but safely on one side-comfortable about that side, and never looking back to the other side of the fence wishing it was greener

Why did you do that, it hurts you know

You make me feel like some loser

But it's inevitable, isn't it? )':

2010-06-24T21:45:00.004+08:00

SO TRUE SO TRUE;

Cell Phone vs. Bible

Wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phones.

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it

What if we flipped through it several times a day

What if we used it to receive messages from the text

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it

What if we gave it to kids as gifts

What if we used it as we traveled

What if we used it in case of an emergency

I was thinking on my way home, got touched by the spirit, so I wrote this so you can hear it. Its just something to think about

Something to make you say hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, and where is my Bible?

- Anonymous

(shall remember this :P)

2010-06-24T21:21:00.001+08:00

PERFECT LOVE;

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18).

If we cocoon ourselves and build up walls to try to keep others from hurting us because we are afraid of being hurt, we haven’t really understood God’s love. Read the powerful things AW Tozer has to say about love and fear:

“Love wills the good of all and never wills harm or evil to any. ‘There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear.’ Fear is a painful motion that arises at the thought that we may be harmed or made to suffer. As long as we must trust for survival to our ability to out look or out maneuver the enemy, we have every good reason to be afraid. Fear is torment…. To know that love is of God and to enter into the secret place leaning upon the arm of the Beloved - this and only this can cast out fear.” - AW Tozer

Lord Jesus, You know how often we become afraid. Cause us to lean on Your arm, beloved Father and believe with our whole hearts that You are love. Amen. "

This really spoke to me, especially when I was really really fearing. Thank You Lord. I have so many things to thank You for.

1)Protection

2) ANSWERING MY PRAYERS TO GIVE MY MOM A JOB :D :D :D

3) Stress Gang study date that was really really funnnnnn

4) Comforting me when I'm so stressed out by exams

Lord, thank You for being You and the awesome God that You are. Though my life isn't perfect, quoting someone *winks*(you know who you are:P), what reason is there for me NOT to be happy when God has already provided and blessed us with so much?

And the things on this earth will grow strangely dim, light of His glory and grace :')

2010-06-23T22:18:00.002+08:00

NO ONE WILL EVER TAKE YOU AWAY;

After the dream today,

I will lay everything in Your hands,

and trust You till the end

For nothing in heaven and on earth, nor any height nor any depth, nor any creation, can separate us from the love of Christ :')

2010-06-23T22:06:00.002+08:00

THE FEAR;

Omg here goes my mom...scolding again ):

And I couldn't even talk to anqi when she just got back from wsc...

Seriously... -.-

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

GRAHHHHHHHHHHH.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Today's song is The Fear. Reminds me of cooking class with Niqian for asthetics :P

But more seriously, the fear...because I'm scared of

Failing.

Losing loved ones.

Rejection.

Being used by people.

Loneliness.

My head hurts, hit the brakes.

2010-06-21T21:33:00.002+08:00

THE TRUTH;

Trying to be perfect/trying not to let you down...

It's the elephant in the room and we pretend that we don't see it...

(LOVE THIS SONG-THE TRUTH)

The truth is...

I'm scared to be disappointed again, no matter how frivolous it is.

2010-06-17T21:37:00.003+08:00

OVER YOU, CHRIS DAUGHTRY;

The day I thought I will never get through, I got over you~

You said you didn't understand whatever I was saying. I hope you really aren't faking. If so, then I guess yesterday I thought too much into it and scared myself silly. XD

Feeling lighter and happier and better...lalala :D

Time for new beginnings? (:

2010-06-16T21:52:00.003+08:00

ROSES HAVE THORNS THEY SAY;

Weizhen totally made me :DDD with our one hour long phone call being crazy, random, and lame...doing stuff like

1. making static noises (WZ)

2. imitating a bimbo (Me), an indian (WZ), a robot (BOTH) and so on, you get the idea

3. telling funny stories about ya(yeah) and yazhi(yacht) and yazi(teeth) and how they all had an identity crisis...

Was dumb beyond belief. Was totally fun and uplifting as well :DDD

Earlier today...

It struck bone and flesh. a grunt. Their widened eyes met, in shock, in horror.

Do you know, how much it pains me after saying something like that? Do you know, how sad I am for saying like that? Do you know, how scarred and torn and confused I was to have said something like that?

I don't know why, but by the twist of cruel fate I always hurt those whom I love most.

I hurt, with the knowledge that I have hurt you with my words.

It's terribly agonizing, crippling even.

But now then I can truly say, " you deserve better than this"

The sword fell to the floor with a metallic clang. A piercing shriek filled the air. "No-" But it was all too late.

If you ever read this, I'm sorry.

Because there's no chance of retracting that lethal blow.

2010-06-15T23:26:00.004+08:00

HUMAN ANGELS;

I realise I have not been blogging for a week plus. I don't know what caused the reluctance to blog...or the nonexistence of a nagging feeling to pen down my thoughts but here I am, finally.

I realise there are two main categories of kinda good friends:

Close, and true.

And they are different. Someone can be close (you talk to frequently and tell quite personal stuff) but not true (like truly genuinely loving and caring about you and is interested in you as a person, and your life)

I am sad that a previous best friend has to fall under this category but... I guess it can't be helped, and it doesnt do anyone any good to keep on denying that we are no longer really as close as before. Or that you really care much about me. Can't be helped that you no longer call me anymore and vice versa, and when I'm sad I don't think or turn to you. We say we are good friends still, but we're superficially close.

Someone can be true (you know they will never betray you and that they really mean what they say) but not close (weeks go by w/o any contact)

It's a pity sometimes that no matter how hard you try you can break past a sort of barrier to be close...cos you are such a nice person.

And the best friends of all fall into BOTH. Being both close and true-not the ones we can live with, but the ones we can't live without. ;')

And to me, they are the ones who are the angels that God has blessed me with.

2010-06-07T21:37:00.004+08:00

The Gift of Today

I was walking in Target yesterday, and I overheard a man say:

“Well, One-Twelfth of 2010 is gone.”

I was like, Wait a minute. You’re telling me that one-twelfth of this year, the year to change all years, is in the past? One-twelfth of the premier year of this decade is over? One-twelfth of two-thousand-and-ten, 2010, MMX, is finished, gone? Just like that?

Wow.

The wise words of my grandparents echo through my mind as I pen this, ‘Enjoy life, ‘cuz it goes by too fast.’ While I once laughed at such cliché expressions, this axiom is becoming more and more real to me as I grow up into almost-adulthood. Every year brings so many changes, every month carries so much potential, and every day is so precious. Some moments in pass in the blink of an eye, while others feel like time itself has come to a grinding halt. But regardless of how it’s perceived, Time marches on, leaving all that once was in its wake.

And stumbling through the rolling tide, desperately trying to cling to the passing moments, is me. Yet no matter how much I flail, scrape, kick, scream, or wrestle with it-I’ve never been able to control time. It passes me by as if I never was, in spite of my frenzied attempts to gain its attention. Time marches on. Every day flawlessly is born, and then dies, without even seeking my counsel. Every second, every minute, every hour simply trudges right through my mountain of concerns. Deep. Persistent. Unshakeable. Call it whatever you want. Time is just Time. And it’s fast.

Too fast.

As I reflect on the past month, I wonder how many days I’ve wasted worrying about the future, or sleepless nights I’ve spent grieving over the past. I wonder how many truly magical moments I’ve missed, because I couldn’t be fully present. I wonder how many great ideas I’ve forgotten, because I was too busy pouring my creative intelligence into something utterly useless. How many memories did I miss out on? How many smiles did I not return? How many broken hearts did I neglect? How much Love did I take for granted?

The answer is a lot.

Too much.

I know you’ve heard this innumerable times, but at any given moment, our lives could come to an end. Our very breaths could fall silent, and our time here run out. Just imagine if that were to happen, how you’d feel about your last day here on Earth. If you’re anything like me, I doubt you’d consider it worthy of your departure. Like me, you probably went about Today physically present but mentally elsewhere. Like me, you probably stole precious time from the ones that you love for the sake of vanity, frivolity, or some other time bandit. Like me, you probably spent most of your time either pondering the future, or regretting the past, rather than enjoying the present.

But imagine the magnitude of change that would ripple across your life if you were able to fully give yourself to God’s gift of Today. Just think if the impact it would have on your relationships, your work, and your state of being if you lived day by day, moment by moment; rather than spend valuable time and energy arranging for things to happen 3 years from now, or rethinking last week’s decisions. Just picture the life we could all have if we would simply appreciate, take advantage of, and live out all the amazing things we have in this single 24-hour cycle. Sounds unachievable, more like something from a country song or blockbuster movie than a tangible truth for a life in the real world.

But I’m challenging that notion. I don’t believe that level of passion is only accessible to fictional characters with terminal cancer and an unlimited amount of money. So for the new Month, I’m setting a personal goal. I’m challenging myself to live in the Present. I’m doing this because I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of having a present body and a truant heart. I’ve had enough of living asleep and absent from the moments of today. I’ve had enough of the self-destructive, redundant patterns of thought that accomplish nothing. Since I can’t be anywhere but Here, and I can’t be anywhen but Now- I’m going to stop trying to get a grip on time and start getting a grip on my state of mind.

So my New Month Resolution is to give myself fully to God’s gift of Today. Whether I’m driving, writing, talking, listening, running, working, eating, or crying-I want to take full advantage of what God has given me in this very moment. I want to give my full attention to the ones I love, without distraction or interference. I want to fully give myself to the tasks at hand, and accomplish them with passion and excellence. I want to live, love, laugh, and learn as much as I can in this moment, on this day, in this month of this year.

Because that’s all I really have.

What would change in your life if you lived in the Moment?

(gotten from http://theriverjordan.net/page/6)

2010-06-07T20:21:00.006+08:00

WASN'T THAT BAD;

In the end RMUN turned out to be quite nice, ECOSOC2 FTW! But I didn't have that serious post RMUN withdrawal symptoms like last year. Haha D&D was half spent doing SOMEONE (a truly awesome someone) a favour (playing chess AHEM) and the rest with ECOSOC2 playing truth and dare or in the dance room. Guess it wasn't a waste but yeah, I still regret not going to malaysia with anqi!

Would have been sooooo much funner-I could have gotten to stay in 5 star hotels and eat breakfast buffets and do stuff under the stars and have long talks on the bus ride and shop and do random fun stuff...and anqi is there too :) and val went.

Should have gone should have gone arghhh. Why must RMUN clash with that!!! *cries*

Falling harder and harder each time.

Did you really mean what you say?
Will there be any chance in the future?

Falling

With no means of stopping

2010-06-01T21:26:00.004+08:00

WHY DID I EVEN SIGN UP;

Besides DPRK and Libya, it was totally boring and headache-y.

Besides the lunch and tea breaks that were a lifesaver, I was going to die.

Besides Amanda and Niqian, I had no one.

Pretty much sums up my first day at rmun, which is totally different from last year. So yeah. Cheers, 2 more days to go :/

(I could be with my yfc team tmr, instead i'm just wasting my time~ D:)

2010-05-31T10:17:00.004+08:00

FAIRYTALES DON'T EXIST;

(prompted by my chem PT theme of fairytales)

And maybe that's called disillusionment. Disillusionment, is not being skeptical, not is it pessimistic. I think it's more rather of removing the rose-tinted glasses that I wear and seeing the things for what it truly is.

And that's right-fairytales doesn't exist. Not in this world.

Reality is left. That's life. Once again I'm not trying to be negative. Actually I think real life is so much better than fairytales. :)

Why?

So you like a guy and magically, that guy turns out to be your prince charming and he is totally head over heels in love with you and y'all live happily ever after. The end.

That's fairytales.

Try that scenario again. So you like a guy, and he rejects you because well he has a long crush already, and because of that you get closer to that guy's close friend, who turns out to be your close friend now when they never talk anymore...and all throughout this you haven't found the right one for you...

That is what I call, life.

Nothing will ever turn out perfectly the way we want it to (it can never, because our view is so limited) but in the end I trust God.

"For I have plans for you, plan to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future"

Jeremiah 29:11

I will trust in His eternal promise today. :)

And live each day to its fullest.

2010-05-28T22:23:00.002+08:00

is the four letter word all we can talk about? :(

2010-05-28T21:28:00.003+08:00

BROKEN;

Sezari Sezali's new single is nice. :')

"I know I never told you that I love you.

Now it's all too late..."

The tune is heartwrenching, lyrics gut stabbing..but close enough, very close...I can almost tear listening to it.

Broken.

2010-05-27T22:04:00.004+08:00

I GOT YOU;

He is good, and He is faithful. Thank God, who picks me up when I'm falling into pieces, and lets me know through His divine mercy that every breath is worth taking. <.3

I still need to learn not to take my family for granted. :) My mom cooked a feast for us today!! ^^ So thankful for her Lord.

this week in review:

I know my life is grossly filled with impefections;

it may sound/look rosier than it actually is...

but looking beyond those things I need to look at my imperfect, flawed self

and the things I need to change

then in the weaknesses will God's power shines through :)

Lord

help me accept that things will not turn out the way I want it to be

whether the result invoked a reaction which is i) this must be an april fool's joke or ii) I thought you said it last time...?

maybe times changed

maybe what i did in sec2-4 changed that perhaps once rose tinted glasses to clear contact lenses, no longer blinded by emotions

i ask myself why must it be this way

i get sad and I cry in the shower

or do alot alot of work to numb myself

or build a high high wall around my heart so that no one can reach in

or snap angrily at people

all these i have tried this week

I have learnt that

1)it doesnt really work

2)it makes things worse because on top of that, I screw things up

I was feeling insecure

and inadequate

and lousy

but i guess i realised

that changing yourself to fit others

is worse than

being yourself

and that i should have the confidence from Him

to be all that I am

in Him

Now

I know

that denial is not the way God wants me to deal with it

neither is anger/numbness

and that i shall

HOPE

no matter what

because in the Lord we trust~

2010-05-27T08:26:00.001+08:00

I'm falling to pieces.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing.

2010-05-24T21:44:00.002+08:00

A DYING SPARK ENCASED IN DRY ICE;

The spark is burning bright, a vivid yellow.

Build a wall of dry ice around it--and the carbon dioxide may extinguish the flame, may not.

But with magnesium, KA-BOOMZ and it erupts in a huge flame.

The spark's passion, the spark's love.

The wall's hurt, rejection, pain, suffering.

The magnesium is God :)

(Hee I came up with this myself-inner geek 8D)

...

Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go~

It's hard but...

There's no greater love than His.

YOU SHOWED ME LIFE,

YOU OPENED MY EYES,

SO I WILL GIVE YOU MY PRAISE,

YEAH I WILL GIVE YOU MY ALL!

-You Deserve by Hillsong :D

2010-05-20T22:37:00.002+08:00

SPEECHLESS;

"I'll never talk again, You left me speechless, so speechless..."

(y) the lyrics, the tune :) such a un-lady gaga song. But I like it!

YOU POPPED MY HEART SEAMS ON BUBBLE DREAMS~

2010-05-19T21:37:00.006+08:00

REFUELED BY YOU;

"How do you refuel your love tank? You start by letting God love you."

I think this is so true. :) :) :)

Thank You Lord, for helping me keep things in perspective. What's most important is loving God, and serving and obeying Him. And with everything He does, it is for a reason. And in all seasons, we will praise His name on high,

YFC, GPAs, whatever may be super stressful. But Lord, let us not lose our cool over it and forget the big picture, the reason why we're even doing all of this--not for ourselves, but for You.

And the reward's in heaven :)

YAY for lunch with my GFF yesterday :D :D really enjoyed myself. ^^

It felt super nice and just so natural talking and talking. I was actually so relaxed--my mind was so de-cluttered and I had a great time :)

Went for guides today (;

I was scared, no doubt. But it wasn't that bad as I thought/envisioned it to be.
Another small blessing from God, I suppose :D

A little of the past nostalgia crept up upon me today. Going home with Charla was particularly nice, because I haven't gone home with her for so long.

Right now, I'm mostly at peace, except for this tiny bit of wistfulness&yearning.

I miss you already~

2010-05-17T21:42:00.008+08:00

MELTDOWN;

This post may be incoherent. Warning!

Suffered a huge meltdown today. I should probably stop bottling all of it till it finally explodes at something really insignificant. And I never knew grades could affect me sooooo much. i practically saw stars after math ga and history pt, and felt so dizzy and weak and faint and nauseous...there must be something wrong with me. :/

Grahh.

But after that I saw the light. :)

Saw past it, to God's greater purpose. I don't know exactly, but there must be a reason it happened, and as a verse goes "each day the Lord hath made, rejoice and be glad in it".

I don't really have to like it. But I have to accept it and praise God. Afterall, it's not about me or how I want it. But about it's all about You, Jesus :D

And that really helped put things in perspective :D:D

God, You will be my victory <.3

And do you think of me? Ever?

or am i just part of the past?

a supernova?

or a distant burnt out star?

Are you sick and tired of a friend like me?

But God is faithful, when we are faithless.

2010-05-13T21:09:00.001+08:00

HANG IN THERE;

“Those people who keep their faith until the end will be saved.” Matthew 10:22

Are you discouraged as a parent? Hang in there. Are you pessimistic about your job? Roll up your sleeves and go at it again. No communication in your marriage? Give it one more shot . . .

The Land of Promise, says Jesus, awaits those who endure. It is not just for those who make the victory laps or drink champagne. No sir. The Land of Promise is for those who simply remain to the end.

2010-05-11T13:41:00.007+08:00

WHEN THINGS DON'T GO YOUR WAY;

Story 1: Failed my gonghan FA.

Moral of the story #1: Learn to walk before I jump/fly: (don't attempt to use sophisticated language in my gonghan when I can't get the basic sentence structure right...or else I'll fail) :/

Story 2: Got very low for LIT PT.

Moral of the story #2: They don't like happy stories. The best stories are ALWAYS sad.

So much for trying to go against the norm; who did I think I was anyway? :/

Overall moral of stories:

-Go with the crowd-you'll never get it wrong then...

-Having your GPA improve from last year is kinda like being rich. You stress out even more trying to maintain your grades/manage your wealth.

-Today was a bad :( day.

Woe, the rant of a demoralized kiddo.

I'm turning incoherent. Blehxx.

2010-05-09T19:38:00.004+08:00

IS THERE ANY REASON WHY

I am attracted to you

Like an electron to a proton

Together we form an ionic bond

Though we are opposite charged ions

I am drawn towards you

Our love us unique as an orbital

For only two electrons can fill this space

As my love for you increases

My energy level rises

I am in this excited state

Increasing the tendency to form a chemical bond

I was an element

It took you to make me a compound substance

Falling in love with you is a chemical reaction

Which cause my love with you to grow

Ours is an exothermic love

Each for giving off love not just absorbing it

Sometimes you do something especially nice

Which speeds up the chemical process

Like a catalyst in my increasing love for you

I realise we have our inhibition periods

And sometimes I am selfish enough

To be an endothermic reaction

Only absorbing your love

The feeling I have for you is so intense

It cannot be measured in kilojoules

Often I have to make a qualitative elementary analysis

To understand and love you more

But i don’t expect your empirical formula

You are too complex a person for that

When you are gone, I am a noble gas

An inert substance

When I am without you

The world seems still

And I am at equilibrium

Saw it on a random blog, the idea of using chem for love is unique, and nice :D

2010-05-06T20:09:00.005+08:00

A SMALL GOOD THING;

Even the worst days are filled with at least ONE small good thing, (not saying that today was bad :D) but just one of my many random musings.

Even the worst tragedies have miracles come out of it.

And I guess that this is the beauty of it all, that in this world so...broken there's slivers of hope that shines through. :)

I was just thinking about whether

we would ever know true love?

because how do you know that the other party's genuine?

I came to this conclusion, that actually true love...doesn't mean perfection for us. In the end only God can love us with a totally unconditional, PERFECT love :D

But for all of us imperfect beings...true love is coming as close to God's love as possible, in how one may sacrifice greatly for his or her loved ones. That is love. But the small actions and gestures that one does to another person isn't to be ignored-for why would someone listen, hug, try to comfort you etc when they don't care for you?

It doesn't mean if sometimes if you're angry/irritated/pissed at someone, it doesn't mean you love them any less...it just shows our flaws and how we should work harder at being better friends or family.

Next, one of the greatest challenges. Trying to love someone that you don't really like. It's hard, somehow I forgive people easier if they did something wrong and hurt me than when they hurt the people I love...and this person has affected 3 of my dear friends, and one the most. And when i see their pain, it's really saddening D:

I guess I'm weird like that. I forgave someone who kinda betrayed me within less than a day than someone who betrayed my friends. Heh XD

I need to try harder.

Lastly, what if you really love someone but that person actually secretly doesn't feel the same way though he/she doesn't say so?

This is the hardest question I always grapple with. Because I think I trust too easily sometimes.

And i was like, this is the most tragic. But i realised...

Actually, it is tragic...but not for the one who sincerely loved. Why? Because it came from deep down of his/her heart. She really felt it and really loved. It's a real loss for the other party who's pretending as the latter will never know love.

Thank God for everything~

2010-05-05T20:51:00.008+08:00

DAY ONE;

I made a pact yesterday.

A decision, choice, commitment, whatever you name it.

At 12.00 am, after posting my previous post, going back to the same bed and staring at it and thinking "What exactly AM i doing with my life? Everyday I go to sleep and wake up, doing the same things over and over and it's the same."

Then: "This is meaningless."

Finally: "Starting tomorrow, I'm going to live my life WHOLEHEARTEDLY for God, every second, every minute, every hour, every day."

So today was Day One of living completely for Christ. Obviously a day without sin is impossible, and of course with all my weaknesses I fell short of the ideal but slowly, steadily I'm getting there. All it takes is one step to get back right with God, to re-prioritize Him as FIRST in my life, to start living for Him and Him alone because He is the Rock.

There were many things and I can really say that in some ways, my day was different. Maybe I did the same things like go to school, do work etc but I really really felt God. There were many blessings and nice things that happened today (spending time with friends <.333, the little cute bird during PE lesson, Lit and my GPA, YFC...too many to list)

I almost have stopped swearing :)

Havent said "d---" in about 2 weeks but last time it was always coming out. But like "shit" then...yeah sometimes. But lesser.

And I drew way closer to Him than I was in weeks. However I guess I was not perfect and there was a moment of weakness where I was so sad about something that I cried...but it helped me 1)resolve some things I was grappling with yesterday and 2)recommit to God and solidify my faith in Him.

And I know through that that He's really there for me in good times, in bad times, He's there with me in the sunshine, in the storm...and when I do something wrong, He always forgives me, loves unconditionally...

And praying in tongues was just awesome-and that's an understatement. I just ask God for the correct course of action(apologize&resign) to take in relation to Guides. I get why they're angry, and I don't ask that they forgive me or anything. Hope that maybe they can understand my difficult position a little more? God has a plan, that I'm sure of.

Like always, I can never thank enough the simply wonderful people in my life, which I'm sure are actually angels in disguise whom God has provided me with.

My family (we argue less-my brother and I :D) and my friends!

I love them all so sooo soooooo much.

:)))

Let tomorrow and every day after that be even more God-centered, Lord.

I DIE DAILY, then live for You.

2010-05-04T23:23:00.003+08:00

HOT AND COLD;

I'm feeling bewildered ashamed inspired enlightened happy yet sad confused in the dark yet so in the light

feeling lots of things~

i wonder whether

1) This is just a fleeting feeling-and will go away in the near future?

2) I'm really important to some people?

3) I should really just like, go back to who I was in secondary 1? Not what I did, but kinda who I was?

4) My grades will even be sustained?

5) I'm wasting my life?

But of course I don't know lah

All I know is that God is there.

2010-05-01T22:12:00.003+08:00

I NEED YOU NOW;

Amanda was right. It IS such a nice song. Totally!!! I think it perfectly describes some things, haha.

"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind/For me it happens all the time..."

"Guess I rather hurt than feel nothing at all..."

Chorus is superb too: "It's a quarter after one and I'm a little drunk...I don't know how I can do without...I just need you now."

I just need you now...

And as usual In My Head is...IN MY HEAD!!!

HAHAHA :D

2010-04-29T14:37:00.005+08:00

RAIN RAIN FALL DOWN;

I'm surrounded by noise, but for now, I'm not joining in. Just a casual observer standing on the fringe.

I have so much to write, have so much to say, but I don't know how to voice it out-so I shall describe my surroundings.

Maybe it mirrors my volatile inner state.

The winds howl maniacally, and the torrent of rain pours down in a frenzied fashion...the temperature drops a few degrees. The sky turns dark.

And I stay, in the eye of the storm.

2010-04-28T23:28:00.002+08:00

YAY!!!;

Mostly done except the write up :) :) :)

I want to sleep. D:

2010-04-28T18:36:00.005+08:00

WATCH THE FALL;

Hist PT-my paintings are screwed XD

Should be super freaked out but funnily, I ain't :///

After Hist PT, can HEAVE A SIGH OF RELIEF.

And I can stop obsessing over it, finally.

Thanks to my mum for helping out a bit! If not I would srsly have died. :)

Is this love I'm feeling?

I need to be more focussed on God :D

2010-04-27T16:58:00.005+08:00

You and me;

and all of the people with nothing to lose...

Photo booth madness again! <.3

2010-04-24T21:04:00.004+08:00

(y);

The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other.

It's been a bad day, another bad day and all I want to do is look at you and know I'm okay.

One night the moon said to me "If you are so hurt already, why do you continue caring? Just leave and never look back. It'll do you good."

I looked at the moon and said, "Moon, would you ever leave your sky?"

When you're around, my whole body knows it. I’ll keep talking and stuff, but my mind will have no idea what I’m saying. I keep wondering if there’s a term for this.

You are not my world, just one of the best things in it.

In love with

A labyrinth of secrets

Shadowy passageways lit with

Knowledge's consummate flame

Treasures hidden

Beneath the surface

No one ever knows

A lone traveler

Feeling the moss-filled walls

Blindly
Where? Where? Where?

Everywhere--

Darkness

Whispers

Nothing--

Hating to fall

But falling anyways

I'm lost, walking

Deeper and deeper in the labyrinth.

(a poem i randomly wrote out of boredom during SJChO :P)

2010-04-24T19:33:00.004+08:00

A HURRAY FOR FRIENDS! <.3

Firstly, I just want to thank God for providing for me wonderful awesome totally fantastic BOMBASTIC FRIENDS!!!

Went out with anqi and niqian to somerset 313. We didn't plan to shop but we had a little spare time so we went to check out forever 21!

I had LOADS AND LOADS AND LOADS of fun :) :) :)

I really love them all, who puts up with an unbearable me XD HAHA.

AND FOR YFC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHh~~~~

I was soooooooooooo overwhelmed man.

And also lastly, my grades. This happens to be my busiest year and despite that, my gpa is the best out of the 4 years, possibly. ^^

So OBVIOUSLY it can never be my work, but God working through me. And I really thank Him for this chance to glorify His name

As we seek,

Your fire fall down

us we pray~

2010-04-20T21:42:00.007+08:00

ETERNITY IN THE HEARTS OF MEN;

Had a fun time with Weizhen today using photo booth :):):)

Never had so much fun in these few weeks.

bang bang you're dead

pretending to emo?

infinity and beyond!

*rolls eyes*

with a fish eye function

us acting retarded...

we're ghosts, beware!

moonwalkers :D

roller coaster!!!

<.333

Thank You God for blessing me with a 4.0 for history.

We're living all for you~

2010-04-19T22:08:00.001+08:00

Big picture, shall look at the big picture...

2010-04-19T20:23:00.003+08:00

CLOSER, FURTHER;

closer closer, further further. We are locked in this messy entanglement which neither of us want to admit. Admit it. Things have changed. You have changed. I have changed. Therefore it has changed. I'm sorry it happened, but I don't want to constantly feel so drained with you.

further further, closer closer. In perfect orbit, we stay.

Distance doesn't matter, and it doesn't affect anything.

I don't need to whole world to know how I feel...just you. Just y'all.

2010-04-16T22:00:00.005+08:00

ACCORDING TO YOU;

It's an cruel irony...

Busy and getting even more with a million gazillion things to do...but I will hang on, :)

Sleep. It's rest. It's escape. It's a slight release from everything. And that's why God even created rest, or instituted Sunday as a Sabbath. I want sleep so badly now. I want rest. I want escape. I want a release from everything...

In Your hands I commit my all.

Bio today was ... :/ screwed.

And tomorrow...ORA...YFC interview...monday math PT, philo FA...tuesday CMPS..wednesday oratory competition...There is actually no break after SAs.

Drained.

I don't like how I'm feeling now...I can't wait for June holidays, seriously...

There's so many people I need and want to catch up with, and go out with....

Focus on giants—you stumble.

Focus on God—your giants tumble.

There's a super giant occupying my heart right now--and I want to conquer the Goliath like David did.

David took five stones. He made five decisions. Past. Prayer. Priority. Passion. And persistence.

2010-04-12T22:58:00.002+08:00

God is bigger than ANYTHING. Remember that. I feel so much better. :D

2010-04-12T22:35:00.004+08:00

HALF SMILES;

When you're on the outside looking in--

Wishing you could be them--

How you envy how easy it is--

You are skeptical--

Saying it can't be true--

To have so many--

It just can't--

And you struggle--

Everyday inside yourself--

With no replies, dull silence--

Only more questions--

You lift your head and catch sight of the colours--

Aurora beams dancing above you--

Eluding your grasp--

For how long--

Is it just not meant to be--

What was I made for--

I wish I knew O Lord--

I wish I knew

And perhaps then I'll get by(no longer affected by them).

Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream <.3

2010-04-10T22:33:00.003+08:00

THANKS;

To God.

To all my friends, particularly Yewloong, Amanda, Niqian, Eunice...thanks :)

I've grown alot in this past week...it hurt, but God used it to make me grow stronger in Him. Your grace is sufficient, Your power made perfect in my weakness.

2010-04-07T21:45:00.013+08:00

I WILL BE STILL;

My eyes and head hurt and my brain tells me to go sleep but I feel like blogging first. I realise I haven't posted for quite long (for me)...

I think the song that most describes these few days are Still, by Hillsong.

"When the oceans rise and thunder roar, I will soar with you above the storm...Father You are king above the floods and I will be still, know You are God."

To basically hold on, when things are going rough and I feel like just collapsing on the spot.Tuesday(yesterday) was really an emotional roller coaster and I know I couldn't have done it at all without You Lord. Drowning sinking whatever, one of the suckiest days this year. But it did become better today (: And so thank You.

I remember something I told a very close friend. "When everyone seems so bitchy and fake, don't give up because they ARE people who are really true, you just got to find them." Now when I reflect upon that, i think I was also saying it to myself, telling myself not to ever lose trust.

When I knew about it yesterday, I thought of this and how even someone I trusted so much was even suspected of doing it. And at a point somehow I wanted to lose faith in people already (when people are half-or more of-my life?).

But when I was listening to you, my anger somehow fell apart. Instead of seeing like betrayal, I saw the mere one wrong move that you made that led to a whole chain of events that would not stop very soon. God allowed me to see things through your lens, and how though the action is morally deplorable, I should not judge you based on this. And to forgive if the other party is truly remorseful.

Sometimes it's too late for regrets. And spilt milk IS spilt milk (ironic how it can be almost seen as a pun), and you can't recover it. It's just a painful lesson when you see the repercussions of your actions really hurt the people around you, relatively guiltless and innocent people and your own reputation.

And sometimes a mistake can cause an avalanche, when it may have started as small as a snowball in the beginning.

My trust in you hasn't really wavered because of it, and I hope I don't regret it in the future, to know that I was wrong again to have faith in you. But you are truly repentant, and I believe so for the moment. I guess everyone makes mistakes in a moment of folly...some just greater and more blown up/made public than others. And you have had punishment already...

So I'll stand by you.

Lit and bio ARGGHHHH. Haven';t started studying in depth yet :/

Next Wed and Fri. Need. To. Mug.

Talking about lit...

I realise (shockingly) my actions miror that of Usher's :O

Roderick Usher is this insane (but Weizhen thinks he's normal) guy that is trying to move away from the physical self and separate the mental and physical faculties. Sometimes when I'm sad/stressed/tired I do that too. I funnel deeper inwards, and probably (IDK XD) that's why I don't feel hungry at all during those times. =/ just random thoughts(because I'm having gastric now). I dun feel like being alike to Usher...

On a lighter note...Weizhen, are you my doppelganger? :D

I know my weakness. I'm easily insecure and these insecurities have caused quite alot of problems. I want to change that. It's not nice feeling insecure about things, about everything esp relationships. :/ But I just can't help it sometimes.

But I guess it's all worrying like for nothing once I know and see how Jesus really loved us. If say I were the only one on earth, He would still die for me. This thought is touching, comforting and in a way humbling..in Christ alone.

:)))

2010-04-02T20:20:00.003+08:00

END OF PRANKING

Happy April Fools' Day! First of all, I meant it purely as a joke so I'm sorry to anybody who was tricked and took an offence at it. SORRYS. XD

And Weizhen we came up with the most ownage trick for Valerie :P Shall break it to her soon. HAHAHA. :)

But I WAS really sleeping. :D

Good Friday was awesome :)

2010-04-01T20:29:00.002+08:00

Im not updating this blog anymore. My privacy has been invaded. Approach me to give my new blog url.

2010-03-31T21:30:00.004+08:00

ONE LIFE;

It's all we got. But why do we let it go to waste? I wonder. I'm really GRAHHH at my unreasonable brother right now (he plays maple when he has smth due tmr and he SCREAMS AT ME)

Oh well. It doesn't serve being pissed either.

Ahh maybe it's good that I never stay irritated for long. Five minutes and I was distracted by a stupid email I was sending XDDD

Weizhen, it's really crap right?

My resolution isn't being fulfilled very well. Lord help me STOP SWEARING. But I'm so frustrated, I can;'t stop saying like "shit" or "damn". I know I shouldn't say that but it just slips out sometimes, Okay that shows how much I swore in the past, and shows the need to stop now even more. Lord only You can help me do it, give me the discipline and self-control that I require. But the good thing was that I resisted temptation when I was fasting yesterday and today. :)

Man does not live on bread alone. HAHAHA :D

For math...in a way though math2 wasn't pretty at all, Lord give me the strength to carry on doing math no matter if all of it doesn't pay off. Hope does not disappoint.

Watching at the white clouds float by, thinking if somehow that moment could be framed in eternity...

2010-03-29T20:08:00.002+08:00

HOLD ON;

This is a song by 33 miles, a Christian rock band with the song Hold On.

It's so meaningful :) :) :)

And I remember what i said one week ago. If I make it alive till 29th March, I will really thank God. And I guess I'm stlll living today :D

Lord thank You for all that I am...I'm eternally grateful. Esp for protecting my mother from harm where she almost got burnt by the iron, but walked away at that precise moment to escape any injuries. And for meeting two people from Y-HOPE East today. I believe God planned it all. He is truly aawesome.

This week is Easter, even more the time to start living more like Jesus-my Saviour, Messiah, Redeemer and friend.

<.3

2010-03-26T22:33:00.000+08:00

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK;

and I will leave it at that. My mind's messed up enough.

2010-03-25T19:24:00.001+08:00

HEARTBREAK WARFARE;

Pasir Ris MRT platforms FTW! <.3

Long talks always give me stuff to think about afterwards.

Do you change because of who you are with, or your surroundings, or what you do?

Nature vs nurture?

What sustains friendships? If it fizzes out, of whose fault is it?

Does being distant now means that the friendship we shared was not true/real? Or real only for that time?

How do you know if someone is really sincere?

What is love? Do we really know what romantic love is?

Is the most pure form of love letting go?

Do we love, or not?

After fighting so much, what’s the point in the end/long run? Is it worth it to fight so much?

But then, what is worth it?

Homework? Exams?

Friends?

Living?

Lit AA argh, XD

Ecosoe 2 :X Oh well.

2010-03-24T20:50:00.004+08:00

JOURNEY TO THE PAST;

Today was enlightening. :)

I shall not talk about SAs, except that math was seriously screwed even with the amount of effort I put in but oh well...I was really disappointed but I got over it by now. :)

Thanks to Amanda for the really long MRT ride home and like, sitting at the Pasir Ris platform for one hour plus after debate to talk. :D

It was the feeling of talking on and on and on till forever, about life, everything in life, love etc.

We kept disgressing ALOT ALOT from sc to ______to ________, they who shall not be named :P

RMUN, debate, etc...

And r/s stuff etc.

I can be so honest with you on all levels and thanks for being such a close junior.

<.3

Thanks to Niqian too for the long phone call as well and sorting out my thoughts like you always do after I talk to you. About everything and anything :) I learnt alot of things and had alot of shall i say, revelations? About myself and how people are both my good and bad points-like I try to put in alot of effort for my friendships but I also get easily disappointed if you don't reciprocate or don't bother as much as I do. Like people are totally my second priority in my life after God, and work and all doesn't hold a candle to how much friends mean to me. But like, sometimes I get discouraged or sad, (seems alot like math) and wonder if it's even worth making so much effort at all in the first place? Thanks for always telling me how awesome I am (even though I know I'm totally not).

<.3

Thanks to God for providing me with such wonderful friends :D:D:D

2010-03-23T15:00:00.002+08:00

MATH SS CHINESE TMR. DIE.

What you did and what you said cut me to the core...

But exams must take priority now.

Trigo has dominated my mind space.